byeeee…..?????

I think I’ve officially outgrown Tumblr. It’s a little sad. Something so personal is now a pain in the neck to keep up with. I never finished. But then, how do you finish a blog?

Maybe I’ll be back every once in a while just for kicks. But as it is, I’m never on here unless it’s a last-ditch effort to find something meaningful in my social media circles.

Life is a little too big to explain through posts, and my experiences are a little too important to just let them float through cyber space. Tumblr doesn’t help me solve problems anymore. I used to get satisfaction out of venting, even though I knew no one was reading. But I have lost the desire to vent. I don’t even really know how to vent like that anymore. And I used to love connecting with people of similar minds on Tumblr. But no matter how lovely all of you are, cyberspace just isn’t the place to invest your emotions. We’re all too far away from each other, and there are so many people in our neighborhoods and cities and schools and churches that are so much closer and so much more strategically placed by God.

Growing up is weird, you guys. I am definitely not my younger self. With that being said, I’m not really sure I have any elaborate, meaningful way to end this post.

So… peace out?

Running Dry

It’s been over three months since I’ve been a regular church-goer, and until recently I’ve really had no idea how much I need it. Work has had me on for  every Sunday, which either requires me to leave early or not go at all, which is the perfect excuse to catch an extra 2 hours of sleep before an eight-hour shift. My boss has left me unanswered not only about getting my Sunday mornings off but also about getting a few days off to volunteer at camp (which isn’t happening because of it) and I work back-to-back-to-back. All of my church/bible study/life group options are absorbed by work. I’ve been running so dry. 

I miss it a lot. The worship, the teaching, the fellowship… this stage of life is weird. And I’m not proud of who I am these days. Not that church makes me a better person, but you are who you surround yourself with, you know? I miss working for Circle where every meeting begins and ends in prayer and Christ is in the curriculum. I miss having Sundays to worship, learn and discuss, then eat with friends. I miss volunteering. I miss being involved with peers and students.

And the sucky part is, I’m caught between the desire to stay loyal to my church and the appeal of starting over and really finding MY church… one where me and David could comfortably and enthusiastically plug in together for several years. But where is the time to go church-hunting? And is it bad to abandon FBCO? Is it normal to church-hop in college?

I despise my unpredictable season of life. Then again, I suppose I should thank God for the spontaneity it allows for.

But I’m not who I want to be. I dislike being absorbed with work and school, all for the purpose of some goal called “growing up.” So my urge is to do something insane with missions. But then am I not being content in my circumstances and wanting missions for the wrong reasons?

How do you truly put Jesus first as a college kid? I suppose that looks different for everyone. For some, it may mean holding off on school and driving around the country to minister to homeless people. For others, it may mean being serious about school to achieve your mission-oriented goal while blessing the lives of everyone in your path. For others, it might mean waiting til after school to hold off on a career in order to spend several months in Madagascar. And for others like me, maybe it means getting it all done in order to best establish a family and follow Christ right here at home.

I wish God gave us assignments. 

I love summer rain. Here in Florida, our days are saturated with heavy heat. There isnt any room for wind, because the air is too full. It sticks to your skin and clogs the atmosphere. So you wait a few hours. Watch the shadows build, test the electricity in the air. And then it breaks, each drop breaking through and dissolving the heat. And then you.can breathe. Then you can move. It’s redemption of the physical kind, over and over every day. His mercies are new every day.

I love summer rain. Here in Florida, our days are saturated with heavy heat. There isnt any room for wind, because the air is too full. It sticks to your skin and clogs the atmosphere. So you wait a few hours. Watch the shadows build, test the electricity in the air. And then it breaks, each drop breaking through and dissolving the heat. And then you.can breathe. Then you can move. It’s redemption of the physical kind, over and over every day. His mercies are new every day.

It’s official…

I have switched from “pending” to officially accepted into UCF’s Teaching Academy. There’s no point in going back now. I’m kind of relieved, actually. Happy… :) 

But now my ever-forehead-wrinkling question is…. How fast do I push through, and should I add a minor?

UGHHHHH. So many factors, so many emotions.